


Never Do Number Twenty-Nine With An Empty Stomach

by Alexfoster451



Category: Heroes - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Humor, Threesome - F/F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-03
Updated: 2011-01-03
Packaged: 2017-10-15 20:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/164591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexfoster451/pseuds/Alexfoster451
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>  In which there is talk of Cosmo quizzes, sexual history, muscle cars, and Gretchen comes out as a big ol' five. Crack!fic. Established threeway relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Do Number Twenty-Nine With An Empty Stomach

**Author's Note:**

> This is not to be taken seriously at all. I just felt like writing something comical and I love the idea of quiet Gretchen's impressive sexual past.

Title: Never Do Number Twenty-Nine With An Empty Stomach

Author: Alex Foster

Word Count: 450

Pairing: Claire/Gretchen/Elle

Rating: PG

Summary:  In which there is talk of Cosmo quizzes, sexual history, muscle cars, and Gretchen comes out as a big ol' five. Crack!fic. Established threeway relationship.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by NBC. No money is being made and no infringement is intended.

Author’s Notes: This is not to be taken seriously at all. I just felt like writing something comical and I love the idea of quiet Gretchen's impressive sexual past.

  
...  
...

  


  
_In the end, everything is a gag._  
-Charlie Chaplin

  


...  
...

  
“I thought girlie magazines were anti-feminist?” Elle said, peering over Claire’s shoulder.

“Well—”

“Technically Cosmo isn’t a girlie mag,” Gretchen helpfully supplied while putting earrings in.

Elle frowned at that and pointed at the cover. “Yeah, it is.”

“It’s a _girl’s_ magazine,” Claire said. “Just not a girlie one. There’s a difference.”

Gretchen waggled her eyebrows. “I’ll pay a visit to the newsstand tomorrow and bring back some girlie samples.”

Claire rolled her eyes and set the magazine aside. “I’m done talking about this—we’re going to be late for dinner.”

“Samples might be a good idea; your scores can only go up with the help of flash cards.”

Elle snatched up the Cosmo and flipped back to the quiz the three of them had just taken. “Those scores weren’t right. You must have made up your answers.”

Gretchen didn’t even have the propriety to blush. “I was completely truthful. Not my fault you guys are a bunch of squares.”

Elle studied the pencil scribbles they had made in the margins. “There is no way your answer to question twenty-nine is true. I’m not even sure that’s physically possible.”

“Summer of 07 in Austin. And you’d be surprised what’s possible with enough lubrication.” The brunette smiled at the memory and then offered simply as an explanation, “He drove his dad’s 69 Camaro.”

“We’re going to be late,” Claire said again, hoping to put a rest to the contest.

Elle threw the magazine at her in mock outrage. “And you. I’m disappointed. You had a whole football team that should have taken care of questions one through fifteen and a cheer squad that should have handled the rest. Your score was worse than mine and I literally lived in a steel box for sixteen years.”

“I had a sheltered life,” she said in her defense. “And I was a little confused about some things.”

“Couldn’t have been that confused,” Elle said with a pout, “or you would have gotten points for question eight.”

“Ah, question eight.” Gretchen sighed with another memory as she walked from their bedroom. “Spring of 05—Debbie Robinson was totally worth those splinters…”

Elle watched her go and then turned to Claire. “We’re pathetic.”

Claire shrugged. “We could add our scores together.”

“Would we win, then?”

“No.”

“ _Damn_.” Elle thought for a moment. “We need to get our hands on a Camaro.”

“Or,” Claire offered as an alternative, “we could do question three to each other and boost our combined scores above Gretchen’s.”

Elle smiled. “I always knew you were the smart one in our trio…”

They never did make their dinner reservations that night. And in the morning Elle started calling Chevy dealerships…just in case.

  
 **End**   


  



End file.
